Friday, May 7, 2010

Beauty IS the Beast...

Wax on... Wax off... Wax on... Wax off...

For centuries now... Ok, well at least since women got to stop wearing stockings with their swimsuits, women have been fighting the losing battle against body hair.
Why it is that women have to subject ourselves to numerous kinds of inhumane and humiliating rituals to rid our bodies of unwanted hair,

While dudes get to walk around like THIS...

Well, that is just another one of the mysteries of life.

Listen, we are not complaining... Well, maybe we are a little, but in all honesty we do it not just because the fellas like it, we do it because we like it.

We would bet a million dollars,
(*disclaimer we are not REALLY betting a million dollars maybe a million Doll-Hairs)
That every girl reading this thinks these legs are sexier then these legs.

We pluck and wax and shave and laser away at out selves, because it makes us feel good.

We are all for women's liberation and liberated women should feel powerful and sexy, so do what you gotta do to get there.

And sometimes the road to pretty is filled with a whole lot of ugly.

Your Va-jay-jay is a treasure, so please treat is as such.
You should NEVER fuck around with a cheap bikini wax, and please for the love of all that is sacred...

Do NOT let your friends give you a home-kit, unprofessional Honeypot wax while eating pretzels and drinking soda.

Better to have hair like this woman's spilling out the sides of your bikini then to mistakenly tear and wound your Coochie, you just can't put a bandaid on that girls... My goodness, teenagers these days!

Take your ass to one of the many number of professional and reputable salons in your area and take care of your business.

Now, we know that your Kitty isn't the only fur-ball you have to contend with.
It is very hard to keep up with the rapid growth of that annoying hair under your arms.

Sure you could just let it all fly free, but really.... No one is buying that "sexy in France" shit. Well, maybe some people are buying it but not us.

We love all of these women... But it says something that the photos taken of them with their hairy pits showing caused such a stir.

Exfoliate, shave.... Exfoliate, shave....It's true it's not that much fun.. But we know you can do it. We just know it.

Here is another double standard, and just another reason to put up a picture of Edward Cullen.... We know, that is not his real name, but it is to us.

On a man unruly, unkempt brows = Sexy mo'fo

On a girl... Not so much.
We are not calling names here either, lets put it this way, Miss Me's eyebrows will never have to join the hair club for men.

So, we gotta keep at it... Pluck, wax, thread, whatever you can do to keep those brows in shape.

We personally LOVE a good eyebrow wax. Leave it to the professionals. You will look better then you can even imagine. You just can't know how important your eyebrows are to your whole overall look.

Why spend a fortune on your hair and then skimp on your brows? They are right there smack in the middle of your face for the world to see... Make them good.

And finally, last but not at all least. Every women's arch enemy, leg stubble.

The painful memory still burns of a 13 year old Miss Me being teased by her older brother...

(*Sung in the tune of ZZ Tops "Legs")

She's got legs...
With Don Johnson stubble...
Ohhhhhh, She's got legs...

Wow, did I just age myself?

The battle against stubbly legs is waged in showers and bathtubs every single day... And it will be. Until the day that quality laser hair removal is affordable and available to every girl that dares to dream.

If you can afford Laser Hair Removal now... Do it!! It is by FAR the most effective and long lasting way to keep your skin silky smooth.

If you can't start saving and until then, keep on fighting the good fight ladies.

We will leave the body hair to the fellas.

XOXO- Things-We-Heart

1 comment:

COCAMIA said...

Hilarious!!! Love it!