Friday, January 31, 2014

I am a 90’s Bi*ch

Just before the new year I had a rare moment when my husband and all three of our little kids were out of the house. 

I settled onto the sofa to watch a cute movie on Netflix called Last Waltz with Michelle Williams. 
So there I was, enjoying being snuggled up with a movie and some chocolate... When the shower scene happened. 

Now let me make a quick disclaimer here. I am all for a good shower scene and I’m totally mature enough to handle some full frontal nudity with hardly a giggle. What caught my attention about this scene was the bush. Three young women in a shower, with full bush. 

Not like medium landing strip bush, these gals had full on, hair pie, bush. 

I sat watching this, all alone. The questions started to swirl around in my brain.  

Michelle Williams is super cute, and she is single... And younger then me by at least 3 years.
What was she doing? 
Was this the new thing? 
Was this what was happening in the young singles world these days? 
Michelle Williams is amazingly stylish and hot. 
Was she setting a new trend? 
Was she following a trend?

And if this is a trend how did it not even come onto my radar? 
My mind whirled.... I jumped on the computer and started googling away... 

Wait a minute, Gwyneth Paltrow claims to be “working a 70’s vibe down there”?
Gwyneth is defiantly a little older then me, but definitely always ahead of the pack sartorially speaking.  

Maybe I just missed this cultural shift because everyone is keeping it “under wraps”.

I started digging deeper, and found super models embracing the look. 
I’ll admit it, these chicks are WAY cooler then I am. They wouldn’t look bad in anything and they look better in nothing.

I also discovered American Apparel ignited controversy when they ran an ad with a model in lacey panties exposing a subtle dark shading of pubic hair. (This image is pretty sexy
How do they react to this attention? 
They continue their bush loving ways by adorning the windows of their stores with ridiculously large muffed mannequins. Like, ridiculously large muffs. (This image did NOT feel sexy to me

This move gains American Apparel tons of press and they make a statement about how they are “Supporting the movement towards a more natural state.”

Then came the straw that broke the camels back... Gabby Hoffman’s AMAZING turn on this season of girls as Adam’s equal parts messed up and incredible sister Caroline. 

I mean... Spoiler alert, but that HAD to be a merkin right? RIGHT?!?

After a month or two of investigating and digesting all this, it hit me like a slap in the face.

Oh my god;

Was my pubic hair, or my lack thereof, aging me? 

I am a straight up product of Los Angeles in the 90’s. 

I was single and young in the days when 19 and 20 year old girls lined up around the block to see Cindy at Pink Cheeks in the Valley. 

It was like brazilian or bust in the late 90’s. The balder the better was the mantra.

In 2000 how was a girl gonna go out dancing to “Ghetto Superstar” in her super-low-waisted Frankie B jeans if she wasn’t perfectly groomed super-low-style? I was on top of my game in those days. 

But now in 2013, is my naked kitty basically the equivalent of “Mom Jeans”? 

What the Hell is going on?! 

I can’t help but wonder.... Is a landing strip as dead a giveaway that a girl is more “90210” then “Pretty Little Liars” as say, a Tramp Stamp? 
I am also guilty of that 90’s moment, and yes, I do fear the day my sons grow up and learn that term.

It doesn’t actually have any baring on my life, what the "kids are doing" these days, my 1990’s husband and I are happily stuck in my waxing ways thank you very much. 

This isn’t about not being down with The Blue Lagoon look it's more about me realizing that the years have been racing past me so fast I can’t even keep up with something as simple as lady-part grooming trends, You know? 

I don’t have any judgement, it’s more amazement. 
In fact, I find this turn of events super liberating. Be free girls! Do your thing! What I would have done to give up all those painful waxing appointments! 
What was smokin’ hot in the 70’s is bound to be smokin’ hot again. That is the story of fashion. Things always come back around. Embracing your body and loving the feel of being a woman. I get the whole sexuality of realness. It is amazing! 

But I can’t help but obsess on it. I keep questioning all my friends about it, I think they are getting uncomfortable how much I ask about their "hair styles" these days. 

Am I alone? Am I the only 36 year old woman out here that can’t stop wondering if Beiber is getting beaver?! Are the One Direction boys, up to their mop tops in muff? Is Bruno Mars resting that pompadour on someone else’s pompadour? 

20 year olds! Talk to me, is this really what is going down? Pun totally intended. 

Let me hear what you think in the comments. 

XOXO- Things We Heart