Friday, March 12, 2010

Fashion Friday: Oscar No No's

So listen, we don't like to be mean and say nasty things... Well, sometimes we do.. but that usually involves too much to wine and watching some incarnation of "The Housewives of Some-god-awful-place-or-another". But it isn't like we sit around being all "Heathers" about it or anything.... The cold truth is, we sat with these dresses for almost a week now.... And they are unforgivable. Truly.

Zoe Saldana... You should be ashamed of yourself. You are WAY too pretty and too stylish to be wearing a baggy flamenco dress to your first big Academy Awards show.

We want to know who dressed you that night... Who let you leave the house in that and told you. "Gosh you look great, that dress is fantastic on you!" Because that person needs to be fired.
Keep your makeup and hair people because from the neck up you look delicious.

Speaking of delicious, Mr. Clooney is looking as delicious as ever in his classic tux and his sexy silver hair.... His date *Insert name of current sexy late 20's brunette here* on the other hand is topping off our shit list for wearing the same dress she wore to her senior prom in 1999.

We are sooo glad she had that matching stole made, otherwise she would have just been freezing!

Ummmm... Mariah Carrey, what can we say...

You are just wrong on SO many levels. We would love to say we know you are better then this, but it would be a lie.

The only reason we are gonna forgive Faith Hill for wearing this hot-mess of a dress is because we saw a pre-show interview with her and she was totally shit-faced drunk! Really! It was amazing!

So we like to pretend that she was getting ready at home and hitting the bubbly with her beauty team, when they all got a little too drunk and forgot to put on her real dress over her slip! Then in the Limo, Tim McGraw was like "Honey I think you forgot your dress" and Faith was all "Oh... Woops! Fuck it! Baby you gotta try sticking your head out of the limo's moon roof?! It's awesome y'all!"
See, all's forgiven!

So there is this great quote from Andy Warhol that we love, it goes something like...

Every time you see someone in a horrible outfit, you have to think at one point in time they stood in a dressing room in front of the mirror and thought, This is it!

Oh Beautiful Vera Farminga... We know where you were headed with this one, The color is really flattering and we heart ruffles too... Who are we to say? Maybe you and Zoe Saldana were going to have a Lambada dance off back stage? Maybe you guys just wore your costumes from A new movie you are working on... "The Forbidden Dance; Part 2"?

At first glance you may see the beautiful and talented Penelope Cruz and think... Are the TWH gals crazy? She look perfectly fine, she looks perfectly nice, she looks perfectly boring....
Seriously, this girl has the world at her finger tips she must have had about 20-50
dresses to choose from and she dialed it in. We expect way more from her... So she made the list.

But at least she wore a dress, poor J.Lo has hit such hard times, she just grabbed a bunch of bubble wrap and fashioned it into a dress on her way out the door.
It is amazing how strong they are making the bubble wrap these days, and the Lopez/Anthony home must have gotten a big delivery that day because Jennifer even had enough to share with her new friend,

Amanda Seyfried! Can't you just see the Thank God for J.Lo look in her eyes?

So there you have it people... It was like a fashion-shit-talking purge!

Eww, we feel a little gross now.

XOXO- Things-We-Heart


COCAMIA said...

I so agree with all your choices! These women could have done much much better. They are so stunning but they didn't wear the dress, the dress wore them...

Translucent Ramblings of No one in Particular said...

LOL I heart you girls so much <3
Couldn't agree more with Mariah Carey and Mrs. Bubbles hahaha Don't feel bad <3 They knew...they knew.

kkist said...

Agreed! Ack! Hopefully the purging helped! ;)